Where is the Disconnect?: A Study on Situation-ships. (Part 1)

 

In honor of what’s now “cuffing season,” I bring to you part 1 of the Situation-ship series.

As I said before, a Situation-ship. (n) is an unofficial relationship due to various lacks such as a title, commitment, “it’s complicated” and other confusions in question, but still seems, acts and feels like a relationship (or maybe not).

The first set of interviews that I did over the last month and a half are from the ladies. I wanted to get a depiction of the girl’s point of view. They are heterosexual and in the 18-24 age range. I asked 5 very vague questions so that I could get the most honest and thought-out answers without insinuating anything besides the topic given. I was looking for patterns in their responses as well as outliers so that I could get a better understanding of why they think people stay in the dreaded, situation-ships.

Grab some hot chocolate, some caramel corn, or your favorite holiday snack, and lets get to it.

Questions:

What do you have to offer? 

What are you looking for in a guy? 

What do you think girls want?

What do you think guys want?

Where do you think the disconnect lies?

Based on the conversations that I have had, I have created 5 “identities” on how these women see and react in situation-ships. The first three questions were asked to get a feel of who the person was in a relationship, how they react to certain issues, what they are looking for and what they have to offer. The last two, you will get to read verbatim.

Interview Profiles:

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The Commitment Seeker–  Doesn’t like wasting time. The commitment seeker wants to know at the very beginning if a relationship is what he wants. You can catch the commitment seeker in a committed situation-ship, and sometimes even a relationship even if they aren’t being 100% fulfilled due to the promise of a foreseeable future. Eventually this person will be caught making the tough decision to end it with someone they care about. When you catch up with them, be prepared to hear their latest updates on the person they are hoping to fall in love with.

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Perpetually Indecisive– A.K.A. The Perpetually Single, is the person that feels like they will always and forever be single. Something always gets in the way of taking that next step. The perpetually single will have potentials and the effort will be there but it is usually temporary either due to the quick loss of interest or unreciprocated love. This person feels like they may be the reason of their own failed relationships, and wants to end their self-sabotaging ways. The perpetually single refuses to settle for less and puts themselves first. They are wiling to jeopardize a relationship for their own emotional sanity.

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The Nurse- The Nurse is the fixer. She sees potential in a guy and wants to motivate him to be the best person he can be. What makes this difficult is that the nurse will tend to push him even if that same effort isn’t reciprocated. The nurse tends to have those guys that will randomly pop in and out of her life whenever they need someone to talk to and care for them. As difficult as it may be to turn them away, she has so much love in her heart to give that she often accepts them though she keeps them at arms length. She is mentally strong and can handle these inconsistencies but she sees the good in people which is why it may be difficult to commit to just one.

 

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The Balloon- A.K.A. The Free Spirit, is the person that just wants to have a good time. But often times, the balloon finds herself with a guy that is homely, conservative and timid. Once the balloon is in the air, it is hard to try to tie her down. The balloon is looking for someone that can go out and have fun with her. Someone that she can commit to but she doesn’t feel is holding her down and containing her freedom. This can be difficult in situation-ships. The balloon doesn’t mind commitment as long as as she feels she has room to breath. Once the balloon feels like she is caged, you better loosen up the lock or she will knock down the door.

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The Lover- The Lover is the person that is a mixture of the nurse and the commitment seeker. She just wants someone that will be there for her and to listen to her and in result will tend to tolerate inconsistencies because of the amount of care in her heart. The lover, like the nurse, sees the potential in a person which contributes to why they stick around. Eventually though, once the lover sees that there is no improvement and the relationship isn’t going anywhere, she has to cut it off because she has tried everything she could to keep it together but she has to put herself first.

 

The last two questions, about what they think guys want and where the disconnect lies, is where we dove a little deeper. Them answering the questions of what they think goes on in the minds of the opposite sex, as well as why we just can’t get it right.

 

The Commitment Seeker

What do you think guys want?

Sex. Thats like number 1. It seems like that’s all they really wanna talk about. You can start talking to a guy and that is like the first thing he wants to talk about. He doesn’t want to ask you “Whats you favorite color? Whats your favorite flower?” No he doesn’t want to ask you those things. He wants to ask you “OOhh..whats your favorite position?” He wants to ask you for nudes. Thats really all I can think about tbh. Thats all that comes out of his mouth…

I tried to get her to go further into what would get a guy to commit in her perspective. She responded…

If I knew the answer to that, I would have them lined up.. 

Where do you think the disconnect lies?

In my past situationships the disconnect is due to lack of communication about what I want vs what they want. I usually like to be straight forward but of course you don’t want to scare them away. A lot of times girls just go along with whatever the guy is saying because they really want him to stay around. 

 

 

 

Perpetually Indecisive- Perpetually Single- 

What do you think guys want?

I used to think they wanted somebody who can make them look good. Someone they can pick out of a crowd. He could be able to say to his friends”thats mine” But then I realized, they don’t even care. They don’t even try to claim you at this point. I think they want someone they can take advantage of sometimes. They just want someone easy. Ofcourse, they want someone they can go to and vent to, but they also just want someone they can hit up when they want. Its really sad and hopefully it’s not true. 

Where do you think the disconnect lies?

I think that guys need that one girl that’s better than every other girl he’s talked to. So if they don’t think you’re the best one, they won’t claim you. But girls know that even though they can find someone better, nicer, sweeter, even richer, they still choose to commit to him and him alone. A girl will choose a guy who doesn’t necessarily choose her. She will try and try to give all of her energy and love and he will just hold back. Because I think guys believe that the grass is always greener. So they try to keep their options open. And the girl shuts down all her options for him. 

 

 

 

The Nurse-

What do you think guys want?

Sex. I think guys definitely want sex. Guys deep down want someone to love them. They want that mushy feeling. They want to be able to be themselves, but guys are not ready to do so. Thats unfortunate. They cover up things and aren’t ready to show who they really are, and to just be strong. I think most of  all they want to express themselves and maybe thats why they do it sexually all the time. Maybe thats why they have so much sex. Yeah. Guys want to be able to express themselves and the only way they feel like they can be accepted that way is sexually. 

Where do you think the disconnect lies?

I was raised to be very independent and strong. To be in touch with my feelings but to know  that I don’t need to be too emotional. I think the difference is how guys were raised. We were taught to share our emotions and men weren’t taught to do so. I think that it has a lot to do with our upbringing. Its even worse because there are men who don’t have fathers in their homes and vise versa. So if you dont have both sides, how are you supposed to be in touch with your masculine and feminine side? 

 

 

The Balloon- The Free Spirit-

What do you think guys want?

I think guys looks for sexual compatibility before they look for mental compatibility. Which isn’t bad, I think everyone wants that but it’s mostly their priority.

Where do you think the disconnect lies?

The Lover-
What do you think guys want?
I think it depends. From my POV, I’ve talked with a few guys and if he’s really busy, he just wants someone to have fun with and of course, have sex. But, there are also guys that are goal-oriented and busy as well accept they’re thinking about the future and they want a girl beside them. Someone to settle down with while they are working on their career. I think it works the same way with girls. 
Where do you think the disconnect lies?
Two different people at different stages in their life. They haven’t been through those obstacles that have made them think a certain way. With me, I had to go through bumpy relationships before I actually started thinking the way I think. (Knowing what she wants) I think it comes down to not having certain relationships or haven’t learned from your relationships. 

Summary-

One thing that stood out to me is how supportive these ladies are. Women tend to have a guy’s back no matter what the situation is. Some of the ladies were even understanding to the possibility as to why a guy may not commit. The majority of the group agreed that the main thing a guy is looking for is sex. Why is that? Is that just an ideal that women have or if asked, would a guy actually agree with that?

When asking the ladies what they think girls want in general, there was a long list of things such as companionship, support, a good communicator, reliability, loyalty, appreciation and so much more.

I’m interested to see the males response to these questions, and if they even closely line up to what the ladies have expressed.

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